Slug Slinger
by The Sh33p
Summary: A MOST unconventional look into the mind of everyones favorite sociopathic Gun Sniper pilot, Leena Tauros! R&R, one shot, enjoy!


  
  
**disclaimer:** I don`t own Zoids.  
  
**Foreword:** This is not meant to incite flames from major Leena fans. This is merely an unconventional view of her character through the way the author feels she was portrayed in the series.  
  
Slug Slinger 

* * *

  
  
Bullets, rockets, missiles, bombs and lasers.   
  
I don`t care how I do it, it`s all the same.   
  
Big. Freaking. Explosions.   
  
That`s what I live for, blowing things up, plastering my foes with slugs and then chopping them to bits with lasers.   
  
There isn`t a thing on Zi that can`t be fixed with the light application of a bullet, a rocket, a missile, a bomb or a laser.   
  
Harry being a stalker? _Shoot him.   
  
_ Brad being an icy bastard? _Blow him up. _  
  
Leyon being a weirdo? _Put a missile in his face.   
  
_ Bit being an idiot? _Bomb him.   
  
_ Naomi being an icy bitch? _Fry her.   
  
_ It`s a simple philosophy for a simple, beautiful girl.   
  
My name is Leena Tauros, the prettiest, best Gun Sniper pilot alive.   
  
Say otherwise and I _will_ kill you. Just so we`re clear on that.   
  
But yes, it`s a simple little philosophy of mine, and it works. There isn`t one single problem in my life that I haven`t solved through some application of high-grade, possibly illegal, otherwise lethal weaponry that I shouldn`t be allowed to possess.   
  
Know why I shouldn`t be allowed to possess it?   
  
`Cause I`m just that good.   
  
Say otherwise and I _will_ kill you.   
  
Bit now, he needs some big ol` Liger Zero with transformable armor. Hah. Brad needs a stealthy little fox with a big gun. Hah. Jamie needs multiple personalities, Harry needs lots and lots of money and Vega needs some quasi-invincible Zoid.   
  
Buncha skill-less losers.   
  
All _I_ need to raise hell in a battle is my lightly modified Gun Sniper.   
  
It only has... Let me see here...   
  
Four eight-shot rocket launchers, two super gattlings, four laser cannons, six heavy missile launchers, six mortar launchers, an 80mm cannon, two pivoting 30mm gattlings and the normal sniper rival.   
  
That isn`t a lot, heck - there`s room for at _least_ another two rocket boxes! Not to mention the three plasma cannons I was eying to put on the tail... And the two more pivoting 30mm gattlings... And the two laser pulse guns I wanted on the head... And...   
  
Okay, so it isn`t a lightly armed Zoid, so sue me if I`m a slug slinger.   
  
Beats being a sissy like Naomi 'I-can`t-fight-in-the-open-so-I`ll-snipe-you' Fluegel!   
  
Besides, I enjoy hitting my team mates by accident sometimes.   
  
Normally only Bit but soemtimes Brad and Jamie too.   
  
I`m just a little sadistic, it can`t be helped!   
  
Know what I don`t like though?   
  
Running out of ammo. It`s like hearing your favorite song end only to be replaced by something you can`t stand... Like going from Backstreet Zoids to Metallisniper* or something...   
  
Running out of ammo sucks though. I hate running out of ammo, especially when I`m having a good battle.   
  
For me, good battle means plastering someone with so many rounds they retire and go to live the life of a farmer or something. That`s a good battle for me.   
  
Know what else I don`t like?   
  
Harry Champ and Bit Cloud.   
  
Harry I don`t like because he gets in my way. He`s an obsessed stalker, but I can`t help it if my beauty has a way of drawing people in. I think he tried suicide once but oh well, I wish he would die sometimes... At least then he`d be out of my damn way!   
  
Then you have Bit Cloud.   
  
I _hate_ Bit Cloud with a passion. If not for the fact that tormenting him is fun, I`d have probably tried literally killing him more than once by now. Not that I haven`t already, but still. Bit Cloud annoys me, Bit Cloud drives me nuts and Bit Cloud _**STEALS MY COOKIES!!! **_Of all the things he could think to steal, he tries to steal **_MY_** food! Has the man no human decency?!   
  
And then there`s the fact he`s too stupid to knock when someones in the bathroom. That twit`s walked in on me eight times in the past month! Sure, he always ends up with a concussion or six, but still! How rude can you get?   
  
He`s also a total idiot. Who in their right mind gives up _all that money_ he won in the Royal Cup to be nothing again? It`s like he`s chasing some stupid dream he can`t ever catch - and he knows it too. That`s even more disgusting, and he has the audacity to think I like that?   
  
Puh-leeze. Bit and Harry both need to be castrated for the good of humanity, and while they`re at it, they need to be shot too. I`d be more than happy to do both...   
  
I`m just a beautiful gun slinger, I don`t care about anything but painting something with lead and explosions.   
  
I`m Leena Tauros, the most beautiful, skilled Gun Sniper pilot alive.   
  
_ And don`t you **ever** forget it!  
  
_ Have a nice day!  
  


* * *

  
  
**Author`s Notes:** Different, eh? I figured that with as much as characters like Raven, Moonbay and Irvine get mutilated in fanfiction, nobody gets the Bulma treatment worse than Leena.  
  
To explain this to those who haven`t seen the DBZ fanfiction section, or don`t watch the series: Bulma is a greedy, self centered snob who - on more than one occasion proving this by leaving or trying to leave her friends behind in certain death situations - cares more for her own hide than anyone else`s. Sure she _kinda_ mellows out towards the end but if she was half as good natured and romantic with Vegeta as written in most stories they`d have a whole lot more children than just two.  
  
* = For some reason I can see Leena being a fan of a poppy boyband... Backstreet Zoids and Metallisniper are both parodies. If you can`t figure them out, something is wrong with you :P  
  
Decided to not do a Brad perspective though - at least not for the time being. After thinking it through, it`d just be too similar to the one I did for Irvine. Sorry!  
  
_Sh33p_ out. 


End file.
